Posted on

The Hidden Battle

In his last blog post dealing with tension, Ben stated the following: “The idea shouldn’t be to make the tension disappear but to learn how to harness its generated power and aim it together instead of at each other. The only way that happens is if we keep our eyes on Jesus, submit ourselves to the Spirit, and strive together towards making Jesus known; that’s what we were made for.”

As I thought about what Ben was calling us to think through, I was reminded of the age-old adage that the absence of conflict doesn’t necessarily equate to the presence of peace.  Our goal when tension and conflict are present should not be to simply make it all disappear; rather, we should be willing to work through it together to bring about true Biblical peace and unity.  

With that said, I think that I often look at conflict as something that happens on the outside.  I think of conflict as an entity that someone else brings to the table.  My typical response when I’m angry, irritated or frustrated is to explain those things by looking outside of myself.  My response is usually to justify my anger by pointing somewhere other than to myself.  Could it really be possible that I play a role in the tension around me?  

James 4:1-3 states the following:

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. (ESV)

In this passage, James rips away the curtains on our hearts and purposefully reminds us that conflict and tension are actually spiritual issues.  They are issues that are directly connected to our hearts and to our desires.  More directly put, conflict and tension often result from who or what rules our hearts in place of Jesus.  There is a battle for control of our hearts that is fought in every situation and relationship in our lives.  To better deal with conflict and tension, we must understand what role our hearts play in these situations.

According to Romans 1, my heart will either be ruled by Jesus or by some created entity (an idol).  When my heart longs for anything other than Jesus, I will undoubtedly experience regular conflicts with others.  I will love you to the end if you’re helping me get what I want, but you will just be an obstacle for me to overcome if you stand in my way.  When my heart is ruled by my own desires, I’m judging you and holding you accountable to my standards and your ability to deliver the desires of my heart.  

When my heart is ruled by Jesus, I fully understand the wickedness of my own heart and the immeasurable grace extended to me by Jesus.  People who understand their own need for grace are really the only ones capable of extending it to others.  When I find myself to be frustrated with those around me, when I sense tension and conflict from the outside in, or when I become aggravated at the experiences and viewpoints of others, I need to look inward at the desires of my heart and see if they properly align with the truths of the Gospel and the reality of grace offered to me through Jesus.  

Consider this  quote from Paul David Tripp that can be found on his website:

“You see, God’s grace is not just a past grace–the grace of your salvation; God’s grace is not just a future grace–the grace of eternity. God’s grace is a present grace–it’s a grace for what you face in the struggles of life in a fallen world, right here, right now. And what this means is–you don’t have to live controlled by conflict any longer; your relationships can change; reconciliation is possible; peace is possible! Why? Not because of your strength and wisdom, but because the God of grace has given you grace that is form-fit for just what you are going through in your relationships today, right here, right now.”

In Matthew 7:3-5, Jesus says the following:

“Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” (ESV)

As we face conflict and tension that we think is coming from external places, Jesus’ words here should push us towards examining our own hearts to see what idols or desires or anything else are actually taking the place of Jesus.  The problem may actually be internal to our hearts rather than external with the people around us.  I pray that we will surrender the desires of our hearts to Jesus before we are quick to lash out at others.

Posted on

Lean Into the Tension

I was at a conference a couple of years ago where the speaker, Reggie Joiner, gave out rubber bands to everybody in attendance. When he stepped on stage he instructed the audience to the throw the rubber bands at each other. There was plenty of laughter as rubber bands flopped against shoulders around the arena. He then instructed us to shoot the rubber band at the person seated next to us. Of course, he quickly took that instruction back before somebody got hurt. As Joiner moved on with his message, which was very good, this object lesson stuck with me. It illustrated well that where there is tension there is power.

Obviously, the power that is generated from places of tension can have, and has had, horrific effects on the people of the world. Wars break out because of tension. Bombs are dropped. Men and women kill each other, and children are orphaned and murdered. Eventually one side forces the other into submission, but nobody ever really wins. We all lose when tension leads to violent demonstrations of power.

It’s hard to stomach thoughts about the realities and effects of war. Unfortunately, it’s often easier than admitting that I am guilty of allowing personal tensions and frustrations with others – even my family and friends – to be unleashed in disgusting demonstrations of my own power as I put myself first above all else. I’ve hurt the people I say that I love on purpose. I have intentionally aimed to make others feel worthless compared to me. You have done it too. All that is left in the wake, when all of our power has been exerted and spent, is perpetual division, conflict, and brokenness.

Reggie Horne, in his message entitled Faith where he references the language of Fredrick Douglas, says “when we focus our faith on anything other than Jesus, we end up with a faith that leads to failure and defeat; a faith that will crush our souls and darken our minds.”

Here’s the thing, I’m not sure that we should make it our goal to just relieve tensions and lay down our rubber bands. I believe we were made for tension by being created by God to be unique and relational at the same time. You have your own gifts, talents, and skills, and we each have our own backgrounds and stories that give us different, but valuable, perspectives and insights. The idea shouldn’t be to make the tension disappear but to learn how to harness its generated power and aim it together instead of at each other. The only way that happens is if we keep our eyes on Jesus, submit ourselves to the Spirit, and strive together towards making Jesus known; that’s what we were made for.

A few months ago Chip and Joanna Gaines, from the HGTV show Fixer Upper, received some negative press because of their countercultural beliefs regarding homosexuality. They let the dust settle a bit before Chip published a blog post responding to the tension that had arisen. Here is a quote from Chip’s post that I found encouraging:

“If your position only extends love to the people who agree with you, we want to respectfully challenge that position. We propose operating with a love so real and true that you are willing to roll up your sleeves and work alongside the very people that are most unlike you. Fear dissolves in close proximity. Our stereotypes and vain imaginations fall away when we labor side by side” (emphasis added).

 

He is picking up on the language that Paul uses in Philippians 1:27-28; “Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel,  and not frightened in anything by your opponents.”

Church, our culture desperately needs the unifying power of Jesus. If we are going to take the gospel to them then we first need to see that we were created, and have been called, to work together to make Jesus known. Paul gives us a good place to start in Philippians 2:3-4 on; “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

Something big happens when we lean into each other for the sake of the gospel. Consider the Jerusalem Council of Acts 15 or Paul confronting Peter in Galatians 2. There are many places where tensions rose in the New Testament church, but as they looked to Jesus and pressed in by the Spirit, the gospel advanced to the nations.

What would happen today if we humbly looked to Jesus and leaned into the tension together in our homes, in our DNA’s and missional communities, and in our church?

Over the next few weeks we will talk more about handling our tensions and conflicts, the importance of listening to the perspectives of others, and how to strategically aim our rubber bands together to proclaim the gospel loudly.

For today, may we pray and find resolve to lean in together and to be found “striving side by side for the faith of the gospel.”